No Rest for the Wicked
by TigerTiger02
Summary: Spike has severe boredom through out his days but when April 1st comes around the fun won't be limited. short series focusing on Spike x-over with Angel.
1. Tax Evasion and Makeup Artists

Title: No Rest for the Wicked

Author: TigerTiger02

Disclaimer: I only own the thought of what might happen on an April 1 with a bored recently chipped Spike… actually I don't even own that. Damn.

Chapter: Tax Evasion and Make-up Artists

Old X-Men action figures: 5

Learning to Do Make-up: 200

Vampire Bite Kit: 15

Playing a Prank on the People you Love to Hate and seeing their Faces: Priceless

* * *

Spike grinned wickedly. This would be the perfect day to do what he had been waiting for. 

"Say Rupes, we've been getting a long as of late and I was just thinking, since it's a holiday and all-." He was cut off.

"No."

"But it'll be funny!" Giles as he was affectionately known as to his children frowned. He had to admit it would be quite funny. He shook his head to clear the ridiculous thoughts.

"Absolutely not, Spike!" he said adamantly. The 120+ vampire pouted, he actually pouted. He was pouted and Giles and my God was he actually starting to tear up? "Spike I- I wont fall for your uh… err… wily tricks." Spike only continued to pout as he spoke.

"But Rupes, I hardly…" he paused and gave a pathetic whimper, "get to have any jollies any more. No scaring the kiddies, and none of that grr arg!" he gave a sniffle.

"Vampire's cannot cry so stop that! It's not affected me, stop it this instant." Giles said knowing that in an instant he would agree to the chipped vampires half cracked plan. When Spike gave him another pathetic look he caved in. "Alright but if Buffy stakes you you're on your own." He sighed out. The vampire let another wicked grin slide across his face.

"Right! To work then!" he sang out. He flounced off to search for his pig's blood. Ah! There it was. He took out a paint brush and a kit he had "brought" from a local merchant. As he prepared the old man he kept chortling to himself. Hopefully the gang would respond to Ripper's urgent call he would make in a few minutes. Giles was sighed the whole time and kept checking Spike's progress in a mirror.

"That doesn't look right." He commented. Spike glowered at him.

"Hey! Who's the vampire here? I'll decide if it looks right and cor it looks beautiful." For a second Spike's eyes went misty. But that was just for a second. He went to work on Giles' face making it paler then normal and when the final product was shown to Giles he stared startled.

"May god Spike, you could work as a make-up artist at movies sets, this is… this is amazing!" Giles praised Spike and the vampire beamed.

"I did, for awhile, when there was a big surge in monster movies, and again in past few years, pretending that I was my son. It helped with money in a legitimate way… 'cept I go thrown in jail for tax evasion… bloody Immortal. Ever go to Rome watch out for the Smarmy Bastard. Keep Buffy away from him, he'll probably seduce her within minutes. Always bloody happens…" he grunted out. Giles was hardly paying attention to him while he tried to remember Willow and Buffy's number to their dorm. Spike was attaching an object to his neck and wrists to cover his pulse so he would seem dead.

"Buffy!" Giles said in a suddenly strangled and fearful voice, "Bring weapons to my house… quick! It's Sp-." He was caught off by Spike.

"I'm gonna tear you to shreds Ripper!" Spike growled out menacingly. Giles gave a squeal and slammed the phone down. Spike and Giles grinned at each other. While Spike painted blood around his mouth and drank his pigs blood. Seconds before Buffy burst through the door, Giles laid down perfectly still with his eyes wide open in shock. Spike put on the pretense of torture and smirked.

* * *

Buffy burst through the door with a stake in her hand. She dropped it and ran toward Giles. 

"Oh my god…" she whispered desperately trying to find a pulse she found none. "You'll pay Spike!" She screamed as she began to chase him around the house. Pretty soon she caught up with him and was about to stake him When Giles shot up.

"April Fools!" Giles yelled and Buffy jumped.

"W-what?" she asked glancing around. "Giles! You're alive!" she tossed her arms around him and cried.

"It was only a joke." Spike said. Buffy slammed her fist into his face. He grunted.

"Ow!" he paused for a second and began licking up the blood, while grinning at the disgusted Buffy.

"Can we play this trick on the Whelp?"

"Sure." Giles said at the same time as Buffy said no. Spike sighed.

"Fine, whatever. Can I tell him I sold all of his crap for some money, anyone want to lend my a thousand bucks and couple of kittens?" Buffy whacked him on his head and he gave her a hurt look.

"Fine." She sighed out he gave a wicked grin.

"Good because I also have a couple of older toys from a shop that I burned and broke." He grinned wickedly again and grabbed his blanket. Covering himself he turned. "Expect a call sometime tonight." He flounced out the door and down a sewer.

* * *

Around eight in the evening, about five minutes after an outraged shriek was heard from the Harris house (which was quite normal so the neighbors figured that Jessica and Anthony Harris were getting into it again) Buffy sighed and reached for her ringing phone. 

"Hello?"

"Buffy! You have to come quick! You need to stake Spike, he's done an evil and horrible thing!"

"What has he done?" she asked tiredly.

"He's sold my comic stuff and ruined some of my action figures!"

"Try looking around." She growled out and slammed down the phone.

If someone were to look through the windows to the basement of the Harris house they would see a blonde haired man being tied up by the Harris's son. This would have been quite odd. But being from Sunnydale they probably would have chalked it up to the water, or that odd laryngitis epidemic.

* * *

A/N: I didn't have the overwhelming urge to write a fic until today but now here I am writing one. Anyone who actually likes Detour in the Roadway sorry for the no show of the newest chapter, my sister's boyfriend "accidentally" hooked up the floppy disk drive wrong when he fixed it… yet again! So until he fixes it again which should be this weekend, if I'm lucky, Detour will be on a hiatus until I get a disk drive and internet connection on my PC in my room. Also this might turn into a series Bloke might also get a series if I can find a proper book. Next chapter should be up soon in that one. 


	2. More Glue then a Paste Eating Kid

Title: No Rest for the Wicked

Author: TigerTiger02

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas for these pranks. They are what I would do if I were there.

Dedication: to Tarryn who somehow managed to fool Nikki and I yesterday, and gave me brilliant ideas.

Chapter: More Glue then a Paste Eating Kid

Timeline/Spoilers: Takes place between Shells and Underneath, may include mentions from any episode prior Shells.

Super Glue: 3

Blue Dye: 5

Permanent Marker: 1

The Look on Everyone's Face and Teaching an Old God new Tricks: Priceless

* * *

Spike held the bottle of glue in his hand wondering if he should really being doing this. He paused and turned a thoughtful face toward the sun. He would be in deep trouble but it would be funny. As he sat there weighing the pros and cons of such an action when Illyria strolled by. 

"Hey Blue!" he yelled out the first name that came to mind, two blue demons turned to him and bared long teeth, but Illyria, not to be deterred from her mission, ignored him.

"Hello! God-King!" he said angrily. She turned to him; cocking her head in such away it seemed too creepy.

"What do you want, Half-Breed." She spat out at him. For a moment he glowered at her before sighing and stepping forward.

"I need your help." He said in a strangled voice. She blinked at him; her large blue eyes staring quizzically back at him.

"Why should I help you?"

"It will involve doing something mean to Angel." He said hoping against hope that she bought it. She took a moment to think it over.

"Okay." She said and began toward Angel's office.

"Blue!" he called out, she turned again and frowned, "Don't you want to know what the plan is?"

"No." she said flatly.

"Look I need to stop time for everyone but me, can you do that?"

"Yes, it is possible." As they strolled into the office Angel barely looked up from his papers.

"What?" he growled out, Illyria turned to Spike, one of her eyebrows up in question. He gave a nod. Time slowed to a stop and Spike stepped forward, to slather super glue onto anything Angel would touch within the next minute. He then glued a sign to Angel's back saying 'I'm so hot and sexy things love to stick to me, how about you come and stick to me too.' Illyria sighed as Spike stepped back and stood beside her. Seconds later Angel was standing and glared at them. He crossed his arms and frowned.

"What do you guys want?"

"Uh, just wanted to know if… err… you had any plans tonight?" Spike said and then instantly regretted it.

"Despite popular belief, Spike, yes I do have plans."

"Alright, too bad Blue, we could have gotten him to join our insult tournament." She said nothing but gave him a quizzical look, again.

"Yes. Too bad." She said monotonously.

"Yeah I can just hear your disappointment." Angel said sarcastically. He waved his hand at them as the phone rang. Illyria shot Spike a look as they left the office. He hummed all the way to the security room and told the men to start taping. They nodded knowing exactly what was going on.

* * *

Illyria stood beside him and leaned forward intently staring at the screen where Angel was clearly yakking on the phone. He went to hang it up but it stuck. For five minutes the small group stood there laughing at the obscene scene that was going on. Angel kept getting stuff stuck on him even when he didn't even notice.

* * *

Angel couldn't believe it, what was going on? The phone was sticking adamantly to his ear and cheek. His finger was stuck to his letter opener and he had backed into one of his urns and now it was stuck to his butt. He grunted and poked the call button.

"Harmony get me Wes." He growled out. And then he his finger wouldn't come off. When he finally managed to get his finger off nearly half the skin had been ripped off to. (A/N: that is the worse thing ever, I got super glue all over my hand and I had to rip it off really quickly and it took off like two layers of skin. It hurt so much I was crying. I haven't touched it since.) Wesley took this time to stroll in making Angel jump and get his crotch stuck to the letter opener. Wes blinked.

"Now, Angel I know it was only one time with Spike, and I know how vampires can be interested in bisexual sex, and I also know that it may seem like I am gay but I'm not interested." Wes said gently. Angel growled.

"I am not offering to screw you, Wes. Somehow I keep on sticking to things. I need answers." Wes blinked and stifled a laugh at the frustrated Angel who chose that moment to run his through his hair and successfully got it stuck there.

"Don't…" he coughed a couple of times, "worry, I'll get right on it…" when he finally reached his office Wes laughed until his sides hurt.

* * *

Spike smirked at the screen. 

"Perfect. Make sure I get him everywhere."

"Yes, Mr. Spike." One of the men said.

"I like your attitude." He patted the mans head before sweeping out of the room to annoy Angel. Illyria was right behind him asking millions of questions.

"Why does he stick?"

"It's glue, love. Used chemicals and such to make things stick to each other."

"Why did you do that?"

"It's April 1st."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's a day where you play pranks on people. You know give Angel fake blood, hey that's a good one, or tell Wes you accidentally set his books on fire." Spike shrugged. "I wouldn't suggest doing pranks on anyone you don't want mad at you." He grinned, "I am going to give Angel some fake blood. Have fun, Blue." He said and waved her off. She blinked staring around her for a moment before turned to a plant.

"I do not understand these people." The plant rustled and Illyria nodded. "Yes that is a good idea." With the Illyria left the plant and strode in the general direction of Wes's office.

* * *

"Here, Harms." Spike said as he handed her the blood. 

"Oh Blondie Bear, you shouldn't have!" she said enthusiastically.

"You best not want to be drinkin' that love, for Angel." She got a hurt look.

"Oh."

"It's fake, I'm playing another prank on him." He tapped her calendar and then it dawned on Harmony.

"Oh I get it!"

"Yep." He pulled out another mug of blood. "Got it from Angel's stash of really good blood." Harmony grinned.

"Thanks Spike!" she chirped.

* * *

Angel smiled slightly at the cup of blood on his desk, a scrawled note in Harmony's handwriting made him smile even more. So what if his day was being crappy at least he got some blood with a straw in it. Little did he know that the straw was soon going to be super glued to his mouth. He sipped it silently before realizing it was fake. When he jerked up his head the straw came with he tired desperately to get it out, nothing worked so he was forced to shot the fake blood out through the straw and on to one of his favorite shirts that had been freshly laundered. He groaned in annoyance when Spike waltzed in and stopped abruptly, a maniacal grin on his on his face.

"Ike…" Angel warned, no being able to say anything properly due to the straw.

"Oh my god! Wes said it was funny but this is just too good!" Spike began to howl in laughter and Angel charged toward him, huffing in anger and the fake blood still spitting out of the straw. He ran Spike out into the main part of the building and stopped. People, people who worked for him were here. The word shit didn't even begin to describe it.

"You ave jaws fefoll, get vack to vork!" he yelled out through the straw. A couple of people sniggered but the crowd dispersed. Spike gently patted him on the back.

"It's all right I'm sure if you threaten them with death they'll listen to you." Angel glowered at Spike but yipped when he felt something sharp on his arm.

* * *

Spike grinned wickedly as he uncapped the permanent marker. He began to doodle on Angel and write obscene things. "I am a Wanker!" he wrote on Angel's chest before poking his stomach. "You're getting fat, Angelus, too much luxury." Spike hissed out before drawing a picture of the male anatomy near Angel's mouth. "I love cock!" he sang out as he wrote it on Angel. "Balls!" he said. When he was finished with the task he happily recapped the pen and left the wanker laying there with the broken urn pieces still stuck to his back.

* * *

"Uh, Wes?" Spike said tentatively as he approached the ex-watcher where he was observing Illyria. 

"Yes, Spike?"

"I accidentally… err… lityourbooksonfire."

"Excuse me?"

"I accidentally lit your books on fire." Wes turned to him, pale faced.

"What?"

"Fire + Books Ashes." Spike said slowly. Wes dashed out of the room screaming for a stake. Spike merely grinned. Ah the chaos. He was sure that Ethan Rayne guy loved this holiday. I mean of course he would he sighed and started back toward security.

* * *

As he leaned back in his chair in the security office he could feel an enormous sense of well being settle into him, and for a moment all was right in the world. He grinned widely at the screen in front of him, Angel completely oblivious of the writing on his chest, Wes frantically searching for his hidden books only to find piles of ashes about him, Lorne staring at his reflection moaning "But I can't be blue…", and a few select wankers he just didn't like staring in horror at what was happening to them. One man repeatedly saying, "This can't be happening to me… not today." Yes this was a good day, he pondered on pranks for next April and decided that blue dye in showers was always a good one.

* * *

A/N: I hope this got a good laugh out of everyone because if it didn't then I have failed. I might upload a couple of more chapters, depends on the mood and the general response. It was horrible because yesterday I want ed so bad to upload these two chapters and the damn network went kaput. Oh well. I'm thinking one more chapter with SPiek out to get Riley with Xander. but we'll have to see.  



End file.
